the truth

Friday, 27 March 2009

  • 2008

    as humans, we are born with a innate knowledge between good and bad. that "something inside of us" is God in the form of man, aka Jesus. what was God's purpose when He sent his son to suffer amongst us? the answer is simple: to SAVE... us.

    we are the ones who shun the Jesus-part inside of us when we choose bad over good. it sounds simple right? Jesus is all good so why not always choose Him? it's not as simple and that's ok. God is completely fine with our imperfection. hence, his overwhelming love for us conquers ANYTHING here on earth.

    we can speak about forgiveness all we want. we can speak about living a Christian life filled with unconditional love and purity. we can speak about our own transformation, our own journeys, our own ability to choose Divine over human.. but this means NOTHING if it's only words. flowery words of unkept and unfulfilled promises are NOT of God.

    what's my point?

    for the past year, i've taken a small hiatus from serving to my full capacity. the last time i fully served, i shared my life story and i was very very hurt by the comments i heard from others. even though i know i shared with the pure intention of helping others and healing myself, it was still hard for me to hear negative things. if you know me, you know i have the best intentions when it comes to spiritual leadership. it made me think, why are people so ready to attack someone who speaks the truth? is it because its an ugly truth? these thoughts made me want to distance myself from a beloved community i upheld for so many years.

    as a result, this past year, my heart wasn't completely there in service. i did not want to speak about my life and basically lie to my future lambs or others about the forgiveness that was supposed to be in my heart when in reality, it was absent. one thing i cannot stand is a hypocrite, and the last thing i wanted was to become one.

    i spent 2008 cultivating and nurturing my relationships with ryan, my family, my close friends, and esp Him. i spent this past year weeding out the negative influences in my life. God's funny... though i kept myself at a distance, He still blessed me with the opportunity to shepherd and bring others closer to Him.. which goes to show, God NEVER turns His back on us.

    so.. what have i learned?

    for me, it's better to take a break and get "all my ducks in a row" vs. throwing myself into service half-heartedlly, hoping that "i'll get into it". it does not sit well with me to say one thing and live another. and it does not sit well with me to watch others do it either. there's nothing wrong with taking a break if you need it. Just as Jesus retreated away (from even his apostles), we all need a mini retreat every now and then to rejuvenate our hearts to fully serve.

    as this new chapter in my life approaches, i praise and thank the Lord for always saving me. and i look forward to a blessed year (with many more to follow), a blessed marriage, and blessed service as an individual and most especially, as a couple. =)

Monday, 23 March 2009

  • March 23, 2009


    New Creation

    I was struck by the first reading…

     

    “Lo, I am about to create new heavens and a new earth;

    the things of the past shall not be remembered or come to mind.

    Instead, there shall always be rejoicing and happiness in what I create…”

     

    this made me think about my life.  I’m about to enter a new chapter of my life, one completely different than any I’ve ever known.  With change comes anxiety of the things unknown…  as my wedding day approaches, I’ve learned step by step to trust God with my life.. our lives. 

     

    I feel as if God is reaffirming that I am on the right path.  He is creating a beautiful new life for me.. and my past shall no longer be remembered, but left where it should be.  instead of remembering and reliving all the hurt and pain, my new life with my new husband (eeks!) will be one of rejoicing and happiness… all because He created it for us.  He blessed us with a love beyond our own human hearts; pure love given to us as a gift b/c of our love and dedication to Him.

     

    So.. thank You Lord for showing my heart what it means to trust and to love and to give myself completely here on earth.  As ryan and I approach the day where we become one, bless us – help us to grow in faith and love and fear of our Blessed Savior.  I give you praise and thanks Lord for always ALWAYS remaining faithful to me even when I falter.  I love You!  AMEN!

     

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

  • February 25, 2009

     

    I was struck by all the readings for today.  The main message I received was this:  a genuine giving/surrender of self to our Lord. 

     

    First Reading:  “Return to me with your whole hearts.. rend your heart, not your garments.”

     

    During bi-ref last night, carol said, “for this Lenten season, I’ve been asking God what He wants me to give up versus what I want to give up.”

     

    This line in the first reading made me think about carol’s words.  God is asking me to again surrender myself (my heart not my garments – physical possessions) to Him.  He’s not asking me to give up chocolate or food or money; He’s asking me to reevaluate where I Am with Him and give up my TIME to strengthen our relationship.

     

    Second Reading:  “We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God… we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.”

     

    Every Lenten season I say, it’s going to be different this time.  It’s going to be more special.  My constant prayer has always been for humility in service to Him.  well, he’s answering this prayer – through my salary cut and numerous disappointments at work, I’ve been forced to make huge adjustments.  He is teaching me again to trust in Him alone to provide for my basic needs.  This is His reminder to me that I can’t live on bread alone but it is through his words that I’ll be sustained. 

     

    .. I am thirsty Lord, thirsty for a close and strong union with You. 

     

    Pray for me.

     

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

  • i dont know


    so i opened this xanga to write something happy but well, guess what, that's not what im going to do right now.  seems to me i need a place or person to vent to and well no one's available right now.  i go and find someone for a project i'm working on at work and it always seems to BLOW UP IN MY FACE.  i am BEYOND frustrated.  to top it off, i'm now working for chump change b/c of this stupid economy and our salary cuts.

    what's next? OH YES.  they messed up my wedding ring at ZALES in WILLOWBROOK.  the girl goes and measures my finger 2 months ago, we find a good match for my ring, and place the order.  so ryan and i go to pick it up this past weekend and GUESS WHAT.  it's not in WHITE gold but in yellow gold.  W.T.F.  so now i'm just sitting here waiting for the manager to give me a call and let me know if something can be done - i need this ring by the end of march b/c i fly out early april.  and it took 2 months in the first place b/c my finger is too small for a "regular" ring.

    what else? people are annoying.  don't contact me.

    i know there's more.  ah yes i know, "one-sided friendships"  one of those things like.. if i dont call you, you probably wont call me, or hey lets always talk about what you're going through - dont bother asking me if my life is ok or how i'm feeling.

    i dont like being the "middleman"

    and why does it seem like that i can't do or say the right things to certain people? they just seem to get mad at me ANYWAY.  and why do i care so much if they're mad at me?  they dont seem to care if i'm mad at them!  maybe i dont try hard enough but seriously, i believe i do try my best to give advice if asked in a very nice caring way but HEY maybe i dont.  maybe i am a straight up bitch and i dont know it.

    ugh. seriously. WHATEVER to today. 

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

  • friends for life


    i've been e-mailing this person from work.  the way we started was totally random and unconventional, but that's God for you.  we've never met but we share so much in common.  i feel as if her and i share similar paths, i just happen to be farther along.  i can relate to every thing, every emotion that she's feeling right now and my heart just cries and smiles.  why?  i'm sad b/c whatever she's going through is HARD.  it's tough.  its emotional.  and yet, i'm relieved and overjoyed b/c i know she'll pull through.  i know God put us in each other's lives for this exact purpose at this exact time. i'm here to tell her how it is to be on the other side, that happiness IS possible.

    i praise God for saving me. i praise God for giving me the courage to choose Him.  i've chosen to LIVE not die.  i praise God for always calling me back through others even when i feel the farthest away. i praise God for giving me the opportunity to... unofficially shepherd.  .. =)

    =) thanks God, and thanks for my new friend =)

     

Sunday, 16 November 2008

  • more updates!


    so i'm totally ahead of my own schedule!!  here's what i was able to get done yesterday (since the rain trapped me inside all day!).

    ceremony music confirmed!
    ceremony readings confirmed!
    bridal shower invitations done!
    ceremony procession done!
    wedding day timeline done!
    photographer lists for the church and reception done!

    so for the rest of november this is my plan
    - purchase remaining sponsor gifts (primary & secondary)
    - confirm transportation
    - start seating arrangements

    that's it yay i'm so excited!  btw, i found the perfect song for me to walk down the aisle tooooooo wooo!!!!!!!!!!

    <3maris

Friday, 14 November 2008

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

  • past versus present


    Can you move forward if your past is still your present?

     

    I was watching Sex in the City Monday night when this question was posed by Carrie Bradshaw.  I pathetically watched her continue to hold on to her past for whatever reason and it hit a nerve.  It was weird watching someone else hold onto their past (like me) and have me think, “Is she stupid? Can’t she see what she’s doing?”

     

    It really is up to us, how much we let the past affect our present.  I remember thinking at times, “Why is my past haunting me?  Why does this [thing] keep happening?”  Then it hit me.  It’s because I’m the one who is turning my past into my present.

     

    Going into the Engaged Encounter a couple weekends ago (Oct. 31-Nov. 2), I already knew we were going to get a lot out of it... not just as a couple, but more so as individuals.  The majority of the weekend was focused on how love is a choice.  I really believe that our choices don’t stop there.  We have a choice to be happy, to love, to hate, to hold ourselves back, and to move on. 

     

    So that weekend I made a decision.  I’m choosing to heal by not dwelling on the hurt and what was lost in the past.  I’m choosing to not think of what I deserve or what sort of justice needs to be had, but rather, I’m focusing on the many blessings and on the good and wonderful people I have in my life today.  I’m choosing to move on completely and leave my darkness behind.

     

    Ryan is the one God has made for me.  I know it and feel it in the deepest recesses of my heart and in the very marrow of my bones.  We bring each other up and love each other unconditionally.  Our .. “love is patient and kind.  It is not jealous or pompous or inflated.  Our love is not rude and does not seek its own interests.  It is not quick-tempered, and it does not brood over injury or rejoice over wrongdoing.  Our love rejoices with the truth.”  (1 Corinthians 13:4-6)

     

    =)

    <3maris

     

    p.s.  totally looking forward to being Mrs. Ryan Manguiat =)

Monday, 10 November 2008

  • updates!


    hi everyone =) i have wedding updates!!

    we now have 180 people confirmed yay!  we still have more invitations to send out.. but we might have to reconsider =/ that sux but we're closing in on our max #.

    ryan registered for the tuxes for the groomsmen yesterday!!  i <3 the purple we chose, its beaautiful. loove it =)

    ryan's parents have graciously booked the place for the bridal shower =) woohoo!!  so we should be printing/sending out those invitations late nov/early dec for a january bridal shower. yesssiry! very exciting!

    i'm still trying to get in touch with the music director over at st. francis, so hopefully i'll speak to her sometime this week.  i just have a couple questions about song choices and want to make sure they have someone who can play it. 

    i found the bridesmaids gifts!! YAY! i loove it!!!!!!!  i ordered them (since they didn't have 7 when i went to the store today) so that should be in by the end of the week.  i'm spending more than i planned, but i LOVE what i chose.  my girls can reuse this gift for all occassions.. dressed up, casual, everyday, etc. =)  i would have gotten one for myself but yikes, too much $$ already.

    ryan and i took the engaged encounter a couple weekends back!! it was so much affirmation =) we met up with fr. paul this past saturday, discussed A LOT of things, and he went over a mini teaching with us -- theology of marriage.  it was very insightful.  he said we can personalize our vows YAY!! that makes me really happy =)

    we really are ahead of schedule with a lot of things.. its wonderful!  i don't like waiting last minute for things so i'm happy we're planning at the pace we are. this is what i hope to accomplish during this month..
    - ceremony music
    - ceremony readings
    - send invitations for bridal shower

    for december, we'll probably start ..
    - looking for wedding rings/ get them engraved
    - confirm reception music
    - confirm rehearsal dinner site
    - confirm RSVPs for bridal shower
    - purchase rest of sponsor gifts
    - make a list of my name-change things
    - try to get ryan on the mortgage statement

    for january..
    - confirm flower arrangements
    - confirm menu choices
    - meet with videographer
    - obtain marriage license
    - complete NFP

    i cant think of anything else right now since i'm about to leave for work, but im so excited!!!!!! =) that's it for now, bye bye!

    <3Maris

Thursday, 16 October 2008

  • October 16, 2008


    “In Christ we have redemption by his Blood, forgiveness of transgressions, in accord with the riches of his grace that he lavished upon us.”  Ephesians 1:9-10     

    “Words are suspect unless our actions match them.”

     

    Lord, just as you have forgiven me and blessed me still with your graces, help me to imitate your likeness within my own life.  Help me to examine the deepest recesses of my heart and understand that the “efficacy of our good desires are told by our works rather than our words.”  Bless me with sincerity of heart and help me to overcome the every day battle of spirit vs. flesh.  Amen.

     

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